


It's Pee Pee Time, Hajime

by Calicornia



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga, SpongeBob SquarePants (Cartoon), Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: massage chair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-06-23 23:38:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19711840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calicornia/pseuds/Calicornia





	1. Chapter 1

Now was the time. Nagito "Fingers in his ass Sunday" Komaeda felt energy rise up in him. The power of the Capri sun moon and stars was at its peak, but the Capricorn was far from being harvestable.

  
"Wow Hajime, so this is what hope feels like huh?" Komaeda wheezed. Hinata tilted his head in confusion. Komaeda just chuckled. "Silly fool, don't you know. It's Cancer season."

The crabs were coming, and Komaeda was cumming. Mr. Krabs trudged through the Capricorn farms, unable to come to terms with the fact that he is a fraud. Exiled from his crab family for being a Sagittarius, the old man wept, his tears nourishing the Capricorn. Even hiring Spongebob, a known Cancer, couldn't hide his shame.

This is all his fault. Eugene thought bitterly as he wept over the capricrops. The boy with the fingers in his ass had exposed Mr. Krabs as an imitation crab.

  
"Argh. That fake crabfucker will suffer by my big meaty claws."   
Mr. Krabs was too overwhelmed by his unyielding rage at the mere thought of Nagito Komaeda to notice that Spongebob Cancerpants was seeping up through the moon floorboards at his feet.

  
" Mr. Kraaaaabs, I have an ideaaaaa." Spongebob sang as he shat out $4.96 and at least 4 pretty patties.

  
"Not now Spuccellati. Can't ye see I'm wallowing in me own hatred and self pity?!" Mr. Krabs spat. Now was not the time for Spongebob's spongebullshit.

"But Mr. Krabs! The vibrating massage chairs at the mall cost $4.96 dollars for 3 French minutes!" Spongebob giggled out.

  
"What's that got to do with anything, Spongebob me boy?" Eugene sighed and shook his head.

  
"Massage chairs can block up your cum for 4 to 6 weeks!" Spongebob whipped out his swollen cock, a tiny sponge engorged with cum. Mr. Krabs jaw hit the floor, it was time for his Krabby revenge.

The plan was in action. Mr. Krabs picked up the shit covered change and made his way to the pipe that lead directly to the entrance of the fake Chuck E. Cheese shopping center. Spongebob slithered along at his heels. Eugene had made sure to bust out his best pair of stilettos for the day of Nagito Komaeda's reckoning.  
The French second that the duo has breathed in the stench of reused pizza, they were approached by a Springfield Elementary school bus. The doors opened wide and Mr. Krabs was greeted by the sight of a middle aged man sitting behind wheel. Skinner was here to take them to the mall.

"Greetings, sea creatures! I'm here to take you to the mall!" Skinner smiled, his lies coated with glee.  
The Coochie County Mall was five feet away from the bus stop, but Mr. Krabs had crab scoliosis and didn't want to walk.

  
"Time to shift this car into maximum overdrive!" Skinner slammed both the breaks and the gas, shooting the car body off of the wheels and straight into the Coochie County Mall. The stained glass coochie walls were reduced to shards that rained down on the marble floors.

  
"Spongebob me boy, haul that ass!" Eugene ran towrds the only massage chair in the mall, the one right outside the Fake Jcpennys. He scuttled towards it, erecting a blowup Hajime next to the chair as to summon Komaeda.

Komaeda emerged from the local Hot Topic where he had searched fruitlessly for a golden age Fall Out Boy t-shirt to entice Hajime with. Immediately upon clearing the food court, his Hajime senses began to tingle. His little Komaeda led the way and soon he spotted the main character-chan Shonen protag lookin ass posted up next to a smooth leather chair.

  
"Well, my my my, that looks like a dick sucking chair if I've ever seen one." Komaeda chuckled as he sauntered over to the chair. The look in the false Hajime's eyes said "Oh? You're approaching me?"

Komaeda unzipped his pants, the back zipper, and revealed his swollen asshole to the blowup Hajime.

  
"Get ready for some Grade A cummies, Hajime." Komaeda slammed his ass onto the massage chair, his thick ass gyrating from the impact. Mr. Krabs snickered as he slammed the on button to the massage chair, the cursed spirits residing in it banging against Komaeda's sore back.

  
"H-Hajime! I can feel your hope coursing through my body!" Wrong move Nagito, your foreskin is closing over your penis. The Hot Topic manager, Ling Yao, phoned the police after witnessing the horrid sight.

Officer Cloudy With a Chance of Mistabus received the call and called his brother Officer Cloudy With a Chance of Cancer Season to come and deal with the situation. Ling Yao cowered in fear behind a rack of neon FNAF plushies. The 12th son of the emperor of Xing shouldn't have to deal with such lewdities.   
Officer Cloudy With a Chance of Cancer Season sprang into action. He busted out his dumb bitch repelant and canvased the whole area in an anti-thot fog.

  
"YOU PICKED THE WRONG MALL TO BUST IT DOWN IN, THOTIANA" The officer screamed as he neared the cursed scene.

  
"This ain't a scene, matey. It be a goddamned arms race! Argh argh argh argh argh argh!" Mr. Krabs laughed maniacally as he used the slide of his ass trombone to trip Officer Cloudy with a Chance of Cancer Season. "I'll not have ye gettin in the way of me revenge boyo!"

"You forgot one thing Mr. Krabs..." Komaeda evilly smiled from his massage chair, his dick developing phismosis. "I'm the leading man, and the lies I weave are oh, so intricate."

  
Eugene's krabby carapace was encroached by several tiny Hajimes, all shrieking in pain. Mr. Krabs empathically wept, for the Secret Hajime Plant in Bikini Bottom was of his creation. If only he hadn't been so greedy, the Hajimes would've led normal lives instead of being trained for assassination.  
Officer Cloudy with a Chance of Cancer Season stared into the eyes of the selfish crustacean, his last sight being thousands of tiny Hajime's eating him alive.  
Officer Cloudy with a Chance of Mistabus twitched with rage, and cocked Ling Yao like a gun. It was time for revenge.

Philosopher's stones went flying left and right from the mouth of the Xingese prince, along with whatever meals that he had conned Edward Elric into paying for.  
One hit the fake Hajime right in the dick and deflated him. The Hajime balloon flew wildly around the mall and the hit Officer Cloudy With a Chance of Mistabus right in his southwest testicle, causing him to lose his grip on the Xingese man.   
Ling Yao landed in a puddle of philospher stone juice. The Caprimoon eclipsed the Caprisun and caused Ling Yao to ascend. He was now Greed! Ascension Ling Yao.

It was the past now, Eugene was back in college, before the war. He never fit in back in High School, and expected the same of college. Krabs walked a lonely road, the only road he'd ever known, to his Introduction to Business class. The chubby crustacean sat in the back, a place where he'd always felt most comfortable.  
An obvious stoner with a shock of white hair fumbled into class, and stared down Eugene, his face that of someone who has not cum in six weeks. He approached, his hands shoved deep into his pockets.

  
"Hey... has anyone told you that seat.. is MINE?"

Eugene was surprised to have been addressed so rudely by a kid who looked like a used q-tip. He summoned all his courage and did his best to look the stoner dead in the eyes.

  
"W-well I don't see yer n-name on it!" The crab retorted, doing his best to look mean, but effectively looking more like he severely needed to take a shit.   
The q-tip looking ass just laughed. Eugene felt his face burn with rage and embarrassment at being laughed at. He pushed up his sleeve to reveal a temporary tattoo that read "NAVY" stuck to his carapace.

  
"What a cute tattoo, did your mommy get it for you from the Fake 99 Cent Store?" Komaeda wheezed. His breath was heavy with the scent of stale castrated weed.

  
"Ggrrr. Yer gonna pay for that comment matey!" Eugene growled. He stood up so fast that he sent his chair flying toward the wall. An unfortunate student with a poofy orange mohawk happened to be passing by at this time and was run the fuck over by the flying furniture, but Eugene paid no mind to this. This greasy cuck has just talked about his mommy, and nobody talks about his mommy unless they want to engage him in fisticuffs! "Bring it on you dumb fuckwasp! They don't call me iron abs Krabs fer nothin'!"

It was five minutes in the future now, Greed Ascension Ling stared at the carnage before him, the blowup Hajime doll in Komaeda's weak arms. The sickly man was strained, holding up a deflated balloon was a Herculean task for someone who lived off of fingers in the ass.

  
"Hajime... I... will never cum again..." Tears fell to the floor below Komaeda's pained visage, his arms and legs trembling. Greed Ascension Ling felt empty inside, as if he too had not cum in six weeks. Komaeda wiped his eyes and stood, his hope bigger than ever.

  
"Your ass is going to be Alaskan Bull Worm Coochie."

  
Mr. Krabs, who was hiding in the trash, shook fearfully. He didn't expect his ex wife to make a guest appearance.

Greed Ascension Ling turned toward a suspiciously Mr. Krabs shaped trashcan that seemed to tremble with mortal terror. All at once he knew what was happening here.

  
"Really Eugene, you caused all of this for some petty revenge?" Greed chuckled, addressing the trashcan. Komaeda shook with rage at having been ignored, but Greed had bigger fish to fry. "That seems pretty greedy," Greed's eyes flashed a wicked crimson, "wouldn't you say?"

The trashcan audibly gulped as Greedling approached. Greed had turned his tight ass toward Komaeda and started to make his way downtown. Walking fast. Walking faster.

  
Wrong move Greed.

You're fisted now.

  
Komaeda's upper hand, arm and torso all moved in sync. Now was his chance. It was time for him to finally take away everything Eugene "Iron Abs" Krabs had ever loved.   
Greed didn't even have time to clench his ass cheeks. It was all ogre now.

It was the past again, and the chair had had enough. All these years, Chair Jr. The College Desk Chair endured thousands of ass cheeks of various kinds. It wasn't long before the 3001th cheek set him off. Ass cheeks should always come in pairs. He vibrated out the window, to a new life.  
It was now six seconds in the future: Diavolo was getting frisky. He too had a vendetta against Mr. Krabs, for he was his old business partner that began peddling Artificial Coochie on the road.  
Komaeda thurst his arm into Greed's ass, but only in France. King Crimson Requiem had brought the chair between the sickly fist and the healthy asshole.  
The tiny Hajimes had returned from their lunch break, McDonald's in hand, French McDonald's in the other.

  
"Hey Hajimes.." Komaeda called out, "Remember the time you were used to create Artificial Coochie by Eugene Krabs over here?"  
Diavolo swore, Mr. Krabs carassed between his pectoral muscles. He donned his sweater and Doppio emerged in a fit of rage. Nobody fucks with bosu.

  
"Argh argh argh!" Mr. Krabs sweat, "Who the fuck are you me boy?"


	2. Weed?

"Your worst nightmare," Doppio doped. He dipped and dabbed as the crab crammed a handful of fries from the tiny hajime's mcdonald's bag into his pocket. This crustacean had direspected the boss. Now he would taste the sauce. "Now, its time to fry you, immitation crab!"

Doppio lept into action as Mr.Krabs shat his carapace.

"Mr. Krabs Krabs! Krabs Krabs!" Doppio grabbed the crabby war vet and swung him around Mario 64 style, sweeping up the debris in a cyclone of epic proportions. The tiny Hajimes and family of cloudy officers blew back in a powerful wind. Komaeda sat back down in the massage chair, his white puffy fur wildly blowing around. He still had one ace up his sleeve.

"I'm Komaeda." The sickly man came out of the closet, his wheezes forming the words. Time stopped, it was Komaeda's stand: Danger Days. He smirked as he approached Doppio and Krabs, his skinny little ass shimmying in a victory dance.

Wrong move, Komaeda. Krabs lunged at Komaeda, knocking him to the ground and breaking three of his ribs. They were now banned from the mall, but only in France.

"You'll never be a real crab!" Komaeda coughed, not even struggling against the crustacean, "Not when you're not a cancer!"

Eugene boiled with rage. It was almost enough to cook his meat. To think he would be exiled from his own community because his mom had chosen to get knocked up too late in the year. 

Wrong move Betsy. Your son is a social outcast now. 

There was no time to dwell on this now. Mr. Krabs had a score to settle, and he wouldn't rest until he had done what he came here to do.

Mr. Krabs chuckled darkly as he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a crusty yellow paper.

"Actually matey, I have your birth certificate right here."

Ahoy, menoy. Komaeda ws born April 28th, 1969. A taurus. Time seemed to freeze, and Komaeda wheeze laughed. He slapped his knees, and then his ass.

"Silly Haji-krabs!" The sickly man clapped, but not out of appluase, "I changed the arrangement of the planets last Thursday! Now everybody's a cancer... But you."

Komaeda pulled Saturn down from the sky, and held it in his hand. Ling Yao coughed up blood, Officer Cloudy with a Chance of Mistabus missed the bus. The tiny Hajimes rejoiced.

"Wrong move, Komaeda." Doppio coughed up blood, there's one thing you forgot.

* * *

Anasui.

* * *


End file.
